oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
