the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
