just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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