I could have mohawked her pubes.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Too much gin, very little bucket
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
