Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
