i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
