they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
