he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
