could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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