you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
