dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
