Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says I win the strip club
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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