erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
