Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Randomize
