bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
