I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
