you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
