No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
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I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
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My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Congratulations! We have a period
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