I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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