Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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