Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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