I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
