one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
