And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
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so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
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Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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