dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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