I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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