i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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