i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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