ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
