apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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