I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
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What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
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Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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