I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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