nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
