my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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