So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
