Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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