Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
