God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
