I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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