i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
