did you get engaged???
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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