are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
