I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
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so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
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Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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