I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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