The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period