also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.