Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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