ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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