he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
