what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
