I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
