Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I need to stop coming to work sober
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
