Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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