What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
