Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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