I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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