I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
