Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You are the jesus of drinking
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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