I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
