Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
