smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
