Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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