So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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