I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize