I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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