took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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