I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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