so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
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Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
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He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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