That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
