JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
