no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
