I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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