i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i wish my penis had a tongue
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
