I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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