even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
