I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
