i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
