I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
