I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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